An Open Letter to Ferrero, maker of Tic Tacs:

Recently, you started selling your Tic Tac product in a 30% larger size. At first, I was excited by the news, as I was under the impression that the package would be 30% larger. However, I soon discovered that I was incorrect; you had increased the size of the mints themselves by 30%. While this may objectively seem like a good idea, it in fact represents blatant disregard for the welfare of the consumer. Let me explain.

The following statements are based on a fundamental principle of Tic Tacs:

People have always and will continue to eat Tic Tacs three at a time.

When the significance of this principle is considered with regard to your new, larger size Tic Tacs, the consequences to the consumer are dire. Assuming that you enacted this new policy with the most ingenuous of motives, it seems like a good idea. People will no longer have to consume multiple Tic Tacs in order to freshen their breath. While your belief that adequate freshening can be attained through a single, larger Tic Tac may be well founded, it is nonetheless misguided. I can tell you from experience that the larger size will not lead to lower counts of Tic Tacs consumed. Rather, it is my belief that, barring widespread boycotts or a new, competing mint, the gross tonnage of Tic Tacs consumed will increase by approximately 30% - the very margin by which you increased the size of your product.

The motives for the size increase may already be called into question. You may well be aware of the fundamental principle of Tic Tacs, and this policy seemed like a good way to increase your profits. After all, less mints per box means more boxes sold in order to consume the same number of Tic Tacs. However, if the average Tic Tacs consumer is anything like me, they spend upwards of $5 a year on Tic Tacs. Think of what this reduction in Tic Tacs per box could mean for us. In order to eat the same number of Tic Tacs this year, I will have to spend in excess of $6, and possibly as much as $7. These new expenses represent an intolerable strain on my breath-freshening budget, and other consumers would no doubt agree. Your new policy threatens the solvency of the Tic Tac-consuming public.

Your actions are also grossly irresponsible to public health. In an age when all of our greatest athletes are attacked with allegations of steroid use, you product reinforces the poor example set for the next generation of athletes. Now that Tic Tacs re larger, these young athletes will feel pressured to get larger as well, and this will cause many to resort to steroid use in an effort to keep up with your product.

Additionally, recent obesity data casts the size increase in a poor light. Tic Tacs were formerly known as the 1.5 calorie breath mint. This was an acceptable calorie level for a breath mint. However, each Tic Tac now contains a whopping 1.95 calories. If the fundamental principle of Tic Tacs holds, and I assure you it does, then Tic Tac users will be consuming 30% more calories from Tic Tacs, and this is an unnecessary addition to the already long list of hazards to our public health.

In conclusion, your decision to increase the size of Tic Tacs is a gross example of corporate irresponsibility. I therefore ask you, Ferrero, to reduce the size of Tic Tacs to their previous level out of concern for the best interest of your consumers.

Sincerely,
LemonEye, Inc.